The Perfect Manager

This monumental failure was an attempt at creating the perfect low level manager. The desirable attributes sought were: a haughtily, aloof penny-pinching consummate yes-man with born-leadership qualities, a morbid fear of the Corporate Ladder and absolutely no conscience. They were successful in that they achieved every one of those attributes. But . . .
Look what they got: a soft, middle-aged white man standing on his own flimsy pedestal, aloof and oblivious to his ridiculous and obviously flawed body. His walnut size brain was barely big enough to keep his vital organs functioning. Thus, he was as slow at making a decision as he was getting out of his chair, which could take anywhere from several days to a week.

The Reporter II

In response to the failure of the original 'Reporter', a redesigned version was developed. This version, instead of supersensitive ears, had hawk-like eyesight, even in the dark. To deal with the problem of having to retrieve the device in order to get it's 'report', it was given 'enhanced telepathic' abilities. "The only problem now", states Lügner in his notes, "is that the Doctors need to design a telepathic receiver". For that reason this 'device' too was a failure.

Modular-Man

Another successful stunning failure for Freeholt-Lang, Modular-Man was designed as a "multi-location, multitasking humanoid helper-slave". The idea was that you could give it several instructions and it could carry them out in separate locations at the same time. One hand might be washing windows, the other typing a letter. The hips and legs with a basket attached could make deliveries. The upper torso served as a foot warmer while the unattached head fetched and read the newspaper aloud for you. All at the same time. A boon for those on a tight domestic servant budget. Unfortunately, once again the world just wasn't ready for disembodied human appendages running about. Most of the parts which ventured out into public never returned. The doctors feared that the parts got lost and couldn't find their way back to the lab. Lügner was sent to investigate and found that it was horrified locals who attacked and destroyed those autonomous appendages, with clubs, pitchforks and guns. The Modular-Man experiments were discontinued. The villagers never knew where those things came from.